Starfleet Short Stories
by MissFive-0
Summary: Leonard McCoy was a great man, Jim knew this to be true. Jim Kirk was not a great man, he knew this was also true. Leonard McCoy doesn't agree. (Battle Scars).
1. Battle Scars

**Battle Scars.**

Leonard Horatio McCoy was the greatest man Jim Kirk had ever met.

It was fact, pure and simple. Jim knew this to be true because out of all the people he had met in his life, Leonard McCoy was the only one to not want something from him. The only one to help others solely because he could. Because he wanted to make their lives better. Jim considered it a privilege he didn't deserve to call himself a friend of McCoy's. He hadn't exactly been at his best when they had met but Leonard had looked past that, past the bullshit, saw Jim and accepted him as he was, flaws and all. And there were plenty of flaws.

Jim Kirk was a man made up of flaws. He was brash, arrogant, quick tempered, greedy…nothing like McCoy, who apart from his infamous temper was the complete opposite of Jim in every way. Jim was self aware enough to know that he would've turned out differently if certain things hadn't come to pass; his father's death, Frank, Tarsus, losing his brother…if those things hadn't happened maybe he would've still ended up in Starfleet, with his family only a comm call away, they'd have been there for graduation. Maybe his flaws wouldn't have turned from cracks to crevasses and he would deserve a friend like McCoy. Maybe.

But those things did happen, each one had left a wound that destroyed different parts of Jim, moulding him into who he was – the flawed individual who carried the weight of the universe on his shoulders because he had seen what happens when no one steps up. There was no way in hell he would ever let anything like Tarsus happen again, not if he could stop it – no one should have to see that.

He wore his arrogance like a mask but he also studied his ass off so he could back it up if and when the time came that he'd need to act. His temper was easy to explain – he was fighting the bullies of his past by beating the shit out of the bullies of the present. The greed…that was relatively new; he had always enjoyed learning new things but after arriving at the Academy his thirst for knowledge had increased exponentially, he wanted and needed to learn as much as he could because he didn't know when he'd need it but he knew he would someday.

If McCoy knew half of the thoughts that raced through Jim's mind at any one time, he'd probably run for the hills. But Jim was greedy in that respect too – his mind quietened around McCoy. The man projected such a capable aura, something in Jim recognised that he didn't need to constantly be on red alert around him. He could relax for awhile. He could rest.

He may not deserve the friendship but he would cling to it for as long as McCoy offered it.

And when one night, about six months before the end of their first five year mission, McCoy came to his quarters and offered more than friendship, Jim froze. They were sat side by side on his small sofa, their heads resting against the back but turned towards each other, McCoy's hand on Jim's knee. It could be interpreted as a friendly gesture but not when combined with the soft look in his eyes.

"Bones?" He asked, hoarsely.

Hazel eyes rose up to meet his own blues ones as McCoy's tongue flicked out to wet his lips, "Yeah, Jim?"

Jim's own eyes shot down to follow the movement and felt a flush rise up his neck into his face, he swallowed. Why hadn't he noticed how close McCoy was? They were practically in each other's lap. His hand was warm on Jim's knee through the soft material of his trousers. Uncertainty rose in Jim's chest – was he reading this right? Was McCoy serious? How pissed would he be if Jim was reading this wrong? Would it ruin their friendship? He couldn't lose-

"Jim? Breathe for me, okay?" Bones said, suddenly sat up and facing Jim fully. When did he move? Jim didn't know. "Breathe with me, 1…2…3…there we go, you're doing great, Jim. Keep breathing with me." Bones kept murmuring to him for a few more minutes until the dizziness he hadn't even felt at first passed and he could see straight again.

"I can't, Bones. I can't." Jim croaked. He couldn't make himself any clearer but he could see that McCoy understood.

He looked down and nodded his head before lifting his gaze back to Jim. "Okay, Jim."

But Jim could see the hurt and disappointment in his eyes, he wouldn't push Jim on this after his panic attack, the need to help and heal was ingrained too strongly in him. He'd rather suffer himself than cause any hurt to Jim.

"Bones-" Jim started.

"I get it, Jim. Really. It's okay. We're okay." McCoy cut him off. He pulled back on the sofa and made as if to stand.

Jim's hand shot out and circled McCoy's wrist, "Bones, wait...I…" He stopped and shook his head, tightening his grip on his friends wrist. He took a deep and tried again. "I want…I need…fuck."

McCoy sat back and place his hand tentatively over Jim's hand on his wrist. "We don't have to talk about this tonight, we have time, Jim. And if you decide you don't ever want to talk about this, that's fine too. We'll be okay."

Jim shook his head again, more forcefully. "I'm not okay, Bones. I'm fucked up." A frown appeared on McCoy's face and he opened his mouth to interrupt. "I am, Bones. Always have been. I was born into a fucked up situation and it has just kept on coming." Jim looked down to their joined hands and shrugged. He knew himself well enough to know that if he didn't get it all out now, he wouldn't have the balls for this conversation later.

"Sometimes I just…wish I couldn't feel, I wish I couldn't love. I wish that I could stop 'cause it hurts so much." He heard McCoy draw in a sharp breath at the mention of love. Did he still not get it?

"It would be better for you if you didn't want," Jim gestured to himself with his free hand. "this. I'm flawed, Bones."

McCoy made a noise of disagreement, "Flawed? Kid, you're a genius." He held up a hand to forestall Jim's protests. "You're smart, kind, charming…hell I'll even cop to funny after hearing some of your lame jokes." He squeezed Jim's hand. "Besides, I have a few of my own flaws."

Jim snorted, "Growling like a bear at everyone that looks at you before noon isn't a flaw, Bones."

"I'm obsessive, I'm sarcastic, I'm stubborn as all hell…but you're my friend anyway." He counted them off on his fingers. Jim hesitated, what McCoy was saying was true – he was all those things, but so much more.

"I'm paranoid, even more stubborn than you, I'm terrible with any kind of relationship-"

"Jim, we've been friends for 8 years now, that's a long time. You're not as terrible at relationships as you think. Also, those flaws you listed? Aren't flaws." Jim snorted again, more forcefully this time. "They're not flaws, Jim, they're scars. Battle scars." Bones said, softly. "And I wouldn't be much of a doctor if I let a few scars scare me away."

Jim stared at him, wide eyed. Huh, he'd never thought of it that way. It had never occurred to him to view the cracks that he saw as flaws as wounds that remained from his past. It made sense, objectively. But years of self doubt couldn't be erased over night.

"We have time, Jim. And if you'll let me, I'll spend the rest of my life showing you exactly why I think you're worth it." Bones said, tenderly.

Maybe it was time for a leap of faith, he thought, reminding himself that he trusted Bones more than anyone else in the entire universe. Releasing a shaky breath, Jim nodded slowly.

Some battle scars would never fully heal, but maybe Bones could sooth the ache they had left behind. Maybe. They had time to figure it out.

-END-


	2. Child Of The South

**Child of The South**

Leo was a simple man at heart - he enjoyed good food, good company, fine bourbon, but he was also a child of the south. His favourite dessert growing up had been peach cobbler and his love of peaches rivalled Jim's love of apples, which Jim found absurdly amusing for some reason that Leo couldn't fathom. When Leo asked him, Jim usually just chuckled and muttered something that sounded suspiciously like 'stereotypes'.

They had finally had chance to visit Leo's old home in Georgia before heading black out into the black on the second five year mission and Leo had demanded that Jim try his Grandmother's famous cobbler – Jim had, of course, loved it. Between that, the humidity, and his chapped lips, Leo hadn't heard much of anything else from Jim. "We've been in space for five years, Bones! I'm not used to the heat anymore." He'd said over and over again in the weeks they'd been there. Leo just rolled his eyes and sipped on his mint julep.

Then one day, towards the end of their stay, Jim entered the bedroom with a smug grin on his face that instantly put Leo on red alert.

"Hey, Bones." Jim greeted, cheerfully. Too cheerfully.

Leo watched him warily, "What're you up to, Jim?"

Jim open his mouth in exaggerated surprise and clutched a hand to his heart, "Bones, I don't know what you mean! A guy can't greet another guy in his bedroom without being accused of false pretences?" The shit eating grin appeared again.

Scoffing, Leo turned back to his bed to finish packing his clothes into his duffle bag. He didn't hear Jim move but felt the tiny hair on the back of his neck stand up as he became aware of Jim's sudden proximity.

"I got you a present…" Jim said, something in his tone that Leo couldn't place.

Reluctantly turning around to face his friend, Leo raised an eyebrow and repeated, "A present."

Jim nodded and took a step closer, "Close your eyes, no peeking."

Frowning, Leo did as he was asked. A beat or two went by and then Leo felt lips pressing against his own, chastely. He didn't have time to form a single thought before Jim pulled away. Blue eyes sparkled mischievously at him once he blinked his own eyes open and managed to focus his gaze on the face in front of his own. Jim watched him expectantly for a moment before a small frown appeared and a look of disappointment clouded his features.

"Jim?" He murmured, quietly.

"Wait, let me try again…" Jim replied, before once again pressing his lips to Leo's, this time with a little more force. Leo's eyes slipped closed as he savoured the soft, warm feel of Jim's lips against his.

"Anything?" Jim queried, after breaking the kiss.

"Jim, what're you-" Leo stopped as he tasted something fruity on his lips. He flicked his tongue out to taste better and stared at Jim in surprise. "Peaches?"

Nodded happily, Jim beamed at him and answered, "I found peach flavoured lip balm while I was in town, I had to buy it." He smirked and added, "And share it."

Leo watched the self satisfied grin for a moment longer and then surged forward, he must've caught Jim by surprised because he staggered back a step which put them in easy reach of the wall, which Leo used to brace himself against, his hands on either side of Jim's broad shoulders. Excitement danced in Jim's eyes and heat raced through Leo's veins as they came together again, this time more passionately. Leo swallowed Jim's breathy laughter and pressed closer until they were pressed chest to chest, toe to toe. They kissed until the need for air became too great, but didn't stray too far – Leo dropped his head to rest on Jim's shoulder and listened to Jim's skull thud against the wall as he dropped his head back.

"Man, you really love peaches." Jim quipped, breathlessly.

Smiling, Leo huffed out a laugh, he did indeed love peaches…but he loved Jim more.

-END-


	3. Predicting The Future

They had been planet side for almost a year, married for most of that time, had even considered adopting a kid after the next mission, and still Jim couldn't quite believe that this was his reality now. That he got to wake up every day next to the man he loved, got to grouch about how young the new recruits at the Academy were while Bones laughed at him, got to introduce his best friend as his _husband_ …it had been easier to wrap his head around a time travelling Romulan than it was to comprehend how he had got so lucky.

It wasn't that he doubted Bones loved him – hell, the man had spent years showing Jim exactly how much he loved him, Jim knew it to be true the way he knew the Enterprise was the best ship in the fleet. It was just…constant vigilance. Jim had had his guard up all his life, Bones had managed to slip through his defences by pure stubbornness, and while the crew was held dear to Jim and he wouldn't hesitate to die for any one of them, it was different. They had been on two five-year missions, faced Nero, Khan, and Krall, the crew had experienced losses and while that never got easier to deal with and Jim would always carry a sick feeling of guilt in his gut for the ones he couldn't save, he could keep going, keep living. But if he lost Bones?

What if he had to face the reality of waking up every day and not having his husband there? Of not adopting the child that they had both fallen in love with the idea of? That was a thought so unthinkable that his brain stuttered to a stop over it and refused to work again until he thought of something else. The fact of the matter was, Jim had lost everyone in his life that meant something to him: his father, his brother, his friends on Tarsus, Chris Pike. If he hadn't spent so many years around such a logical being as Spock, he'd begin to think he was cursed. Jim knew it wasn't rational to be so convinced that something or someone would come along and rip Bones away from him, he _knew_ it…but fear was rarely rational.

Occasionally, Bones would find him sat in his ready room with his head propped up on his fist, staring at nothing, his thoughts swirling so fast inside his mind that nothing settled long enough for him to focus on it. Bones would watch him a few moments and when he showed no sign of noticing his presence, he would cross the room and gently pull Jim from his chair. Sometimes he'd murmur something too low for Jim to hear, sometimes he was silent, Jim hadn't managed to find a correlation between the two yet…although, he should probably get on that.

Now though, Bones stood in the doorway of the ready room, watching his husband stare vacantly at the opposite wall and knew that tonight wasn't the time to be silent, something was clearly bothering Jim and Bones was determined to get to the bottom of it.

''Jim?'' He said, venturing to his husbands' side and placing a hand on his shoulder. ''You with me?''

Jerking out of his reverie, Jim nodded, ''Of course, Bones. Always.'' He stood and tried for a smile, missing by a mile.

''Whatever is on your mind Jim, spit it out. I can't help you if I don't know the problem.'' Bones tried, gently.

Shrugging, Jim replied, ''Just…it's nothing, Bones. Just tired, I guess. Let's go home, huh?'' He made his way around the desk and towards the door, Bones hesitated but followed along after a moment. They made the walk to their quarters in silence, which seemed to suit Jim but irked Bones to no end. Jim was rarely silent, and Bones knew that a Jim that enjoyed the quite was a Jim that was crying out for help inside.

After reaching their quarters, Jim mumbled something about a shower and left Bones standing in the living area. He sighed again, raking a hand through his hair and dropping down on to the plush sofa. Jim fell into these moods every so often; it had started to get more frequent after the shit show with Khan and usually Bones drew Jim out of his dark thoughts by distracting him with sex or dinner plans with friends. Though, some sixth sense that Bones had for dealing with Jim told him that neither of those things were going to cut it this time. Bones needed to get to the root of the problem before he could diagnose and treat the ailment.

Eventually, Jim emerged from the bathroom and made his way to the bedroom, droplets of water snaking their way down his neck from his hair and running down the length of his back before merging with the towel around his waist. Jim didn't look up from pulling sleep wear out of the dresser as Bones stepped around the partition and into their bedroom. He didn't look up as Bones drew closer and gently but firmly guided him to the bed and sat them both down on the edge.

''Y'know when we made those vows a while back, I meant them. I meant every damn word and I don't take them lightly. I know you don't either, so how about we make good on them, huh?'' He took Jim's hand and played with the ring on his finger as he spoke. ''Talk to me, darlin'.''

Jim shuddered and started to shake his head before suddenly his shoulders dropped, and he snorted in resignation. ''You know the easiest way to predict to future, Bones?''

Bones shook his head, ''No, Jim.''

''The easiest way to predict the future is to expect the past.'' Jim said, voice catching on the last word. His fingers were cold in Bones' hands and they trembled slightly, though he knew Jim would hate for him to notice. Instead, Bones got to his feet and went over to the dresser to pick up the clothes that Jim had dropped there. He brought them over to the bed and once again took one of Jim's hands in his own and pulled him upright. It took no time at all to unwrap the towel from his husband's waist and use it to dry his hair, before replacing it with the warm sleep pants and t-shirt combo that Jim had picked out. That job done, he pulled Jim into bed and settled them both under the covers before opening his arms in invitation, warm satisfaction rising in his chest as Jim laid his head on Bones' shoulder.

''Y'know Jim, you're one hell of a man, the things you've done have literally shaped the universe we live in, but if there's one thing I know you can't do…'' Bones said, his gaze locked on to the ceiling above him. ''It's predict the future.'' Jim tensed in his arms causing him to rub soothing circles into Jim's side. ''That's not a bad thing, Jim. No one can predict the future, no one should. Knowing what's to come would drive most people mad. Besides, the not knowing is half of the adventure, right?''

Jim was quiet for a few moments before propping himself up on an elbow and staring down at Bones. ''I don't need to know everything about the future, Bones. We'll deal with whatever happens when it happens, that's not what I'm worried about.''

''Then what, Jim?''

''I want to know _our_ future, Bones. Yours and mine. I need to know what to expect so that I can keep you safe.'' He said, vehemently.

Surprised at the sudden force in Jim's voice, Bones blinked and tried to think of something to say.

''Jim…our future isn't something either of us can be certain of. We know what we both want to happen, and how we wish to spend it, but that doesn't mean it's set in stone. There's nothing we can do to predict what's to come, but we've already sworn to face it together.'' He eventually replied, his voice soft. ''Isn't that enough?''

Eyes flicking between his husbands' own, gaze searching for something that Bones couldn't even begin to fathom, Jim nodded slowly. The fear was still there, probably always would be, but that wouldn't stop him from enjoying his life with Bones. Wouldn't stop him from making plans for their future, whether they came to fruition or not. Bones was right – they had already faced so much together and had come out on top, he might not be able to predict the future, he might even have to someday face a life without Bones, but right now he had his husband safe beneath him, his heart beating a steady rhythm under his palm, and he knew that no matter what waited for them down the line, they'd face it together.

''Yeah Bones, that's enough.''


	4. Overdue Conversations

The academy was slowly starting to feel like home to Jim, in the 3 months since he'd climbed aboard the shuttle in Riverside, he'd made many friends in his classes and during social and extracurricular activities. The courses were challenging which presented a pleasant change of pace for Jim and his sponge-like mind, the amount of knowledge they were expected to learn was staggering, but Jim was thriving. Now though, as the holidays approached, campus was becoming ever more deserted as cadets went home to visit family or chose to spend their holidays travelling. Jim had woken early and gone through his usual routine of working out, showering, breakfast, and next on his list was his new favourite pastime – bothering Bones.

The good doctor had worked the night shift the night before and should have finished just as Jim headed for his shower, he had made sure to grab extra food for Bones on his way out of the mess because as much bitching as Bones did about the state of Jim's diet, he rarely remembered to eat after a night shift. As Jim hurried across the quad to Bones' dorm, the cold bringing a rosy hue to his cheeks, he thought about the various bars that he and Bones could visit during their break. They would more likely than not end up in what was quickly becoming their regular haunt, but Jim liked options. Bones was usually fine with following along as long as they had good bourbon on offer.

Finally reaching Bones' dorm room, Jim rapped his knuckles against the door in quick succession while already walking in, ignoring the warning that Bones gave him every time he did so. The sound of the shower greeted Jim, Bones' habit of undressing as he went evident in the trail of scrubs and shoes leading to the bathroom. Smirking, Jim bent to pick them up and place them in the hamper in the corner of the room, the shoes he lined up in the closet. He'd never been much of a neat freak before, but he knew that inspections were regular at the academy and life on a spaceship could be cramped, it made sense to get into the habit of keeping the space clean, something Bones always forgot after a long shift.

Job done, Jim sat on the swivel chair in front of the desk and unpacked the small bag of food: a bran muffin because Bones was big on fiber, an apple because Jim planned to eat that when Bones ignored it, and a nutrient rich smoothie. He began to spin the chair, slowly, in boredom. Gaining speed, Jim spotted a flash of colour on the bed by the pillows and used his feet to bring himself to a standstill. Curiosity getting the better of him, Jim stood and walked over the bed. The colours he had seen were from a drawing of what looked to be a man, a little girl, and a Federation ship. Jim sat on the edge of the bed and stared at the picture in his hands – a note on the bottom read _'Love, Joanna xxx'._ Who was Joanna? Bones had never mentioned having a kid, nor siblings.

The bathroom door swung open, pulling Jim from his thoughts and revealing a tired looking Bones. He didn't even blink at Jim's intrusion, just nodded and shoved him over so he could faceplant into the pillows. Not knowing what to say, a rarity for Jim, he sat there and let his eyes roam over the bright crayon figures on the page. He hadn't seen an actual drawing in years, everything was usually done on PADDs.

Suddenly, Bones flinched and shot up into a sitting position, his eyes searching wildly before settling on the picture that Jim still held. His throat bobbed as he swallowed, his eyes dropping to his lap before rising to meet Jim's defiantly.

"That was supposed to be private, Jim.'' He said, gruffly.

Jim just gave him a look before replying, "Whoever Joanna is, she's a real artist.''

Bones took a deep breath and released it, exhaustion plain to see in every line of his body. "She's my daughter, Jim.''

Confusion swirled in Jim's gut, they'd been friends for a while now, Jim would remember Bones mentioning a daughter, but why would he keep her secret? Unless he was ash-

"I'm not ashamed of her, if that's what you think. Not for a second.'' Bones said, interrupting Jim's thought process.

"Then why, Bones? Why keep her a secret? I don't get it.'' Jim asked, bewildered.

Shuffling over to sit next to Jim on the edge of the bed, Bones sighed again before shaking his head. "I told you that my ex-wife took everything in the divorce, right?'' At Jim's nod he continued. "She was granted full custody of Joanna. Once I've proven that I can keep things steady here, I might be able to argue for visitation rights, but right now…I haven't seen my baby girl in close to 8 months.''

"Jesus, Bones…'' Jim said, quietly. "How old is she?''

"She turned 4 last month.'' Came the sad reply.

A memory of a very drunk Bones hits Jim like a freight train, they had been having a drink in their favourite bar and while Bones had been surlier than usual, Jim hadn't thought much of it and just put it down to long shifts at the infirmary. Now though, Jim wondered if maybe Bones had been thinking of his daughter and trying to hide his sorrow at the bottom of his glass.

"Were you ever going to tell me?'' Jim asked, eventually.

Bones shrugged and snorted, "It's not exactly easy to talk about, Jim. Admitting my failures as a father stings like a sonofabitch, but I know I deserve it. Joanna deserves a daddy that's there for her, can take her places, teach her right from wrong. But yeah, I would've told you. Eventually.'' He glanced at Jim from beneath his lashes, eyes holding more misery than Jim had ever witnessed from the man.

Jim wanted to wipe that look off his friend's face, and as fixing the broken relationship and re-establishing communication was out of the question (for now), Jim would just have to try the next best thing.

"Well, now that I know you have a daughter, ''Jim began, settling more comfortably against the headboard. "Tell me more about her, Bones. Do you have any more drawings?''

With only a moments hesitation, Bones gave him a small smile and pulled open the top draw of the bedside cabinet. Inside were a few more crayon covered pieces of paper, and the pride with which Bones handled them was clear to see. There were drawings of Bones in his scrubs and Joanna playing on a swing, a house with a dog running around the garden…it dawned on Jim in that moment that Bones only really existed in that dorm room; to the rest of the world, to his family, he was Leonard McCoy. He had a whole life that Jim hadn't known about, a life that Jim didn't really understand – he'd never had a happy home life. The academy was the closest thing to a home he'd had in years, and that was mostly down to his friendship with Bones.

They talked for hours as Jim discovered more about his best friend, learned how Bones and Jocelyn had met and become parents to Joanna, how their marriage fell apart, how much it pained Bones to be away from his child.

"When Jocelyn found out I had joined Starfleet, she sent a package of my old things to me. There were a couple of drawings inside from Joanna, and since then, a couple more have arrived. The new one arrived yesterday. I might not get to see her or hear her voice, but my baby girl remembers me, Jim. Until I can prove that I can be the kind of daddy she needs, that's all I can ask for.'' Bones said, much later.

Jim headed for the door to give Bones chance to sleep, the doctor's eyes were already drooping shut. He turned before leaving though and said, "You're already a good father, Bones. You're willing to do anything to give Joanna the life she deserves, you clearly love her more than anything, and when the time comes, and you see her again, she'll be the happiest little girl in the world.'' Smiling slightly, Jim let he door close behind him. "G'night, Bones.''

Months later when the next drawing came, Bones waited for Jim to arrive and they opened it together.


End file.
